


it's only getting better if you want it to

by doiebites



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dystopian society, M/M, rebelling is always hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 05:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20576963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doiebites/pseuds/doiebites
Summary: Jaehyun never realized how much his life was fucked up till the day he met Jungwoo again.





	it's only getting better if you want it to

**Author's Note:**

> this was mostly based on Adam Lambert's 'Never Close Our Eyes' music video, especially the last part, so go watch it if you want some mental images (and listen to it it's a bop)

"What's the story with this one?"

"He was caught spitting out the pills we're supposed to take. They sent him here for his own good."

_For his own good._ Jaehyun knew those words better than himself. In fact, he knew everything better than himself. The Norm was the only thing that mattered to them, everything else was superficial and unnecessary. If someone differed from it, their duty was to bring them back to the right lane. Always for the better good, they told him. And he never thought twice about it, he shouldn’t.

He didn’t know why he did it, but he asked for the boy’s name. He was watching him through the double glass, laid down on the bed and looking peaceful, nothing like all the prisoners he’s had at his hands before.

His colleague looked at him in a weird way before answering.

“Kim Jungwoo. He's nineteen years old, from the information we got.”

Nineteen. A year younger than Jaehyun. _Old enough to know better_, he thought to himself. He never understood why these people never took the pills; it’s like they wanted to get in trouble.

He was put in charge of taking care of the boy. At first he thought it'd be an easy task; most of them fought them when it was time to take the pills, but Jungwoo was obedient, quietly swallowing them and showing his open mouth and under his tongue to make sure he took them with a happy smile on his face, one that said 'I'm doing just like you're saying like a good boy.'

The trouble came when he realized the pills made no effect on him.

"What's your name?"

That's what he would always ask Jaehyun whenever he would enter the cell, which was rare. He didn't understand the boy’s curiosity to know the person that was keeping him locked up against his will. Actually, he didn't understand why he was so… calm. So willing. He was definitely the easiest prisoner he had dealt with, and at the same time, that alarmed him.

"Why do you have a mask on?" he asked one day, sat down cross legged on the bed as he picked up the tray with the leftover food from lunch. "Why can't I see your face? I want to see how you look like."

He knew he shouldn't, but he turned and answered with another question.

"Why do you want to see my face?"

Jungwoo smiled, showing such an innocence in his features that completely disarmed the agent.

"You speak! I like your voice, it's pretty. Your face must be just as pretty too."

Jaehyun nearly dropped the tray he was holding. Why was the boy flirting with him?

_Agent Jaehyun to room 24B, Agent Jaehyun to room 24B._

He looked up on instinct upon hearing the intercomunicador, and then at the security camera in the corner. He knew he was in trouble for speaking to the boy; that room was the superior's office.

"Jaehyun, uh? Not a bad name. It has a nice ring to it."

He only looked at the boy for a moment, eyes showing his confusion, before leaving the room to avoid getting himself into more trouble.

The next time he entered the cell, a week later, Jungwoo noticed a new scar on the agent's neck, partly covered by the uniform.

"Was that because of me?" he asked with wide eyes, face falling when he just placed the tray in the usual place without a word. "I'm sorry, Jaehyun. I didn't want to get you into trouble, I just wanted to know you better. You're the only person I see lately."

The guilt that trespassed Jaehyun passed as quickly as it came. He was manipulating him, they told him. Trying to win his trust so he could escape, since none of their methods worked on him. Their superiors' word was the law in there; if they said it was one way, then it was the irrefutable truth.

Still, when he looked at Jungwoo, his regret looked genuine. He didn't look at him in the eyes like he always did, instead keeping his gaze down, where the scar caused by the electric whip was. For a moment he dared imagining the way he'd react if he saw the rest of them on his back, but quickly took that away from his mind. He was growing affection for the boy, and that was dangerous. That was something he wasn't allowed to ever do.

Two months later, and seeing he would never change his ways, Jaehyun was called to the superior's office again. Jungwoo had to be taken care of. In a more definite way. They couldn't risk having someone immune to the pills in the world, even if he was securely locked up. It was too dangerous for everyone around him.

The agent entered the room that day and even though he kept the same closed expression, his eyes showed sadness when he looked at the young boy. It wasn't his job to care, he knew well, but Jungwoo pulled at his emotions in a way no one before had done.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" he asked, and Jaehyun didn't answer. He didn't need to, he read right through his eyes.

Jungwoo suddenly got up, grabbing his arms. Jaehyun instinctively reached for the electric whip he kept for rowdy prisoners, but the sudden desperation in his eyes kept him from moving more.

"Please don't do this." his voice was quiet, scared. "I know you don't want to, please, I need you to help me."

Jaehyun took a moment to make up his mind.

He forced Jungwoo to turn around, keeping his arms secure behind his back so he could handcuff him. And, taking advantage of the angle they were in, whispered in his ear.

"I'll take you to a room you can jump the window and run. Then it's all left to you."

Jungwoo had to keep himself from smiling to not ruin the cover.

The walk to the room was made in silence, both keeping the appropriate faces for an agent and a prisoner that knew was being executed whenever another person crossed the hall. Then, making sure no one was watching, Jaehyun pulled them both into the room, the only one in the floor that had no cameras.

Uncuffing him, he told Jungwoo what to do to make this a believable story instead of making it clear he helped him escape, and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor waking up with a bunch of colleagues screaming at him and asking where the prisoner was.

The memory came back slowly, in flashes. When Jaehyun returned back to reality, he was in his room, the one he’s been living in since he was eighteen years old, the time he started being trained to be an agent.

Ever since the day he came back from the hideout, a week ago, the memories have been coming back on their own. He knew it was a mix of not taking his pills and Jungwoo’s revelations in their last night together, but he still didn’t completely understand how they just popped up with no warning.

He thought of the other boy again. The things he told him… he still couldn’t believe most of it. Even though he knew he was right - the memory of him helping Jungwoo escape matched his description perfectly - and that all of what he told him was true, it just seemed so unrealistic. So out of character for him.

“It… it can’t be. You have to be lying to me, I couldn’t have done any of that.” he had said, multiple times, but Jungwoo just smiled, his eyes showing a sadness he couldn’t understand the reason for till he told him the last part of the story.

Then everything made sense to him.

_“What you’re saying is impossible.” he stated, calmly but with hidden anger. “If I had really helped you escape I’d remember.”_

_“The Norm agency has its ways to keep people controlled.” Jungwoo riposted. “You should know that, you’re part of it.”_

_Jaehyun didn’t answer, eyes fixed on the boy. He knew he was right; he had already an idea of how they did it, but Jungwoo said it either way._

_“I found out about it later. When they found you, they knew you helped me escape, but you’re too valuable for the agency. That’s why you’re not dead, like all betrayer agents. They just erased your memory so you’d forget how I escaped, then put the guilt on you anyways to give you a motive to hunt me down. Which you did, and almost caught me.”_

_“I did?” By now the agent just listened, his instinct telling him he should pay attention._

_“You did a year ago. You found our hideout and your group took some of us out. My friends told you about it already. But you were fixed on me. You wanted to catch me, to make up for your mistake and at the same time please your superiors. That’s how they manipulate you; they pull on your weak spots.”_

_“I assume that’s when you got that scar.”_

_Jungwoo chuckled. “Actually you were also the reason behind that.”_

_The boy froze, staring at the scar with wide eyes._

_“That little whip of yours managed to do quite a damage on my face. It hit me while I was jumping a fence to run away; hurt like a bitch, and you stopped assuming I’d slow down or stop with the pain, but I just kept running. I could hear you screaming you’d get me one day.”_

_Jaehyun’s hand touched the boy’s face unconsciously, fingers tracing the big scar on - he thought - his still beautiful features. He could imagine how it looked when it happened; he got a matching one on his neck, even though he couldn’t remember from when exactly._

_The guilt stung hard, so hard. He never realized the stuff The Norm made him do till now, and knowing he was the one who hurt this beautiful, sweet boy, that now leaned against his touch, hurt him._

_“It’s been such a long time since I last felt your touch….”_

_That caught Jaehyun off guard, making his hand drop immediately. His voice was choked up, overwhelmed._

_“What the hell do you mean?!”_

_“Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the agency?”_

_“My parents brought me there.”_

_Jungwoo’s laugh echoed in the night, bitter. That made the boy shudder; he didn’t know what he was going to reveal next, but he knew he was scared of knowing._

_“God, did the brainwash really work that well with you?” he joked, but his tone showed how hurt he felt. “Your parents don’t even know you’re alive; they told them you died after we were caught.”_

_A lot of questions came up in his mind at the same time, the information being too much, but he focused on the last one._

_“What do you mean we?”_

_“They told you I was brought to your section after I refused to take the pills, right? That it was the first time I was there?” Jaehyun nodded in confirmation, and he continued. “That was a complete lie. I have been locked up in that place for two years when you ‘first met’ me. Just like you. And I wasn’t there because of the stupid pills alone.”_

_“I… I don’t understand. Why would they lie to me?”_

_“For safety. You were still an ongoing project. And I was the final test.”_

_“Why were you - well, we, if you’re telling me the truth - caught for?”_

_“I was caught differing from The Norm in the emotional way. In other words, I was caught kissing another boy.” Jungwoo smiled and tilted his head. “I was caught kissing you.”_

_Those five words hit Jaehyun like an ongoing train, the shock catching his breath. He didn’t believe it, but it made so much sense, it explained the familiar feeling he had whenever he was with Jungwoo, a warm feeling far from the expected need of revenge._

_Still, he jumped to his feet, grabbing his hair in an unexplained feeling, a mix of desperation, overwhelm and understanding. And denial, mostly denial._

_“No. You have to be lying to me, that just can’t be possible!”_

_“We were caught by the agents and brought to the institution right away. They shoved me inside a cell, but they took a look at you, at your anger, the way you kept defending me even when they were hitting you, and decided you could be of use for them. That you’d make a great agent, once they could bend you to their ways.”_

_Jaehyun stopped, staring out into nothing as he suddenly had a flash of memory. Of him being dragged inside a cell, hands and feet handcuffed into the chair. The two agents taking out batons, as a third one entered, a flashier uniform informing him he was above them. The first baton hitting him right across his face, almost throwing him and the chair to the floor. Him stubbornly refusing to answer any of their questions, and receiving pain in return. And the superior, with a creepy smile, saying he’d soon turn into one of them, with just the right incentive._

_When he came back from the memory, looking down, his eyes were full of tears, some already fallen down his cheeks. Jungwoo was in front of him, but he only noticed once his hand swope a tear away. He looked up to his worried eyes, the smile now gone, and his only will was to get closer, make himself small to fit between Jungwoo’s arms, to let his heartbeat calm him down, but he stood still._

_“I’m sorry I’m telling you everything like this. You need to know the truth, you need to understand the perfect little world you have inside that place is nothing like the pills make you see.” His hand rested fully on the boy’s cheek, thumb stroking softly. “I only found out what they did to you on the day I was brought to that section and saw you were the agent responsible for me. It hurt me so much to pretend I didn’t know you, to pretend you weren’t the boy I was in love with and thought had lost two years back. I spent all this time waiting for this moment, waiting to bring back all your memories of your true self, your memories of us.”_

_Jaehyun didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know what to think. He wanted to run away, to run back to the usual safe place he knew, but at the same time wanted to stay, his heart screamed at him to stay with Jungwoo, to let him help him come back to what he once was, but he was scared._

_And the rebel leader saw that, and understood it._

_“I won’t judge you if you leave, Jaehyun. And I won’t make you promise you’ll come back. I’ll just ask you to think about this when you go back, and if you want to, you can always come back to us. You know where to find me."_

Coming back. That’s what he had to do. He couldn’t stay in a place he didn’t believe in anymore, not after what they did to him.

It was morning, the time all the agents have the pills to take. Jaehyun followed the usual routine, getting in line with the other agents, obediently following the superiors into the pure white room with trays and a big dispenser machine, where every morning and every night they would take three pills. His turn came slowly, his impatience growing every second. But he needed to follow the whole thing, if he wanted his plan to have the full effect.

Finally his turn came, the pills falling on the tray with a cold metallic sound. He hated that sound, always did.

He saw the agents before him walk away in the same line, picking up the pills and swallowing them before putting the tray in the appropriate place. He smiled as he followed them, putting all three pills inside his mouth.

Then he stopped, and turned to the security camera he knew well was on the corner. For protection, they said. He couldn’t believe how stupid he’s been to believe all their bullshit.

Jaehyun walked closer to the camera as his eyes locked with the lense. Then, he spat the pills out into his hand, closing it in a tight fist that crushed them, and smirked.

_You can’t control me anymore._

He knew the agents were still in a haze, needing their dose before being full alert, so they weren’t a threat. But the ones that guide them there, those were fully awake, and staring at him with threatful eyes. He needed to be quick, or things would get dangerous real fast.

Jaehyun ran the fastest he could, crossing the door before the two agents had time to catch him, and heard the alert sirens roaring in the ceiling as he crossed the hall, going down the stairs to the lowest floor. The floor he helped his old lover escape from, the one that was now more protected against future intrusions. But he knew all the loopholes and ways to turn that protection off; the security system was built by himself.

It was easy to get out from the same window, but the agents were close, knowing he’d run away from there, and they were armed. He could hear the electric whips too close for his liking, but he didn’t turn his head to check; he kept his eyes fixed forward, to the main gate of the institution. The one that automatically opens whenever an agent is near it.

Knowing well it’d take a while for them to block his id number from the system, he confidently ran to the gate, grinning as it opened like usual. He felt a sense of freedom once he crossed it, one that gave him enough adrenaline to get deep inside the woods around, the perfect hiding spot for him. The forest was so deep one could get easily lost in there; but Jaeyun liked to explore, he always did, and the forest was no stranger to him, which gave him the advantage.

Soon he stopped hearing anything around him but the usual nature sounds, and knew he had tricked them. He was officially a betrayer agent, now a fugitive, and he never felt so good. He never felt so alive.

Just for precaution, he waited till night to leave his hiding spot, letting the moon guide his way into the rebel hideout. Took him more time than he expected; he was tired and still cautious. But he eventually arrived, already hearing shouts from the guards warning the leader there was an old friend at the door.

When he saw Jungwoo, his mask was off, fully showing his face and his grin as he walked up to him. Jaehyun felt the sudden need to kiss him, but controlled himself; they had time for it later. They had all the time in the world to get things figured out now.

“Did you come back for me, Jaehyun?”

The fake innocence on Jungwoo’s voice tugged on his heart, and he knew, even without fully remembering yet, that it was that voice that made him fall for him so bad. Bad enough to make him risk everything for him.

“Maybe. Maybe I didn’t.” he teased. “And please, call me Yoonoh. That’s my real name.”

Jungwoo grinned. “You remember more things now.”

When the older nodded, he returned to his leader facade, smile dropping to a small one, and back straightening up.

“Well, Yoonoh,” his heart raced being able to say that name again after so long, “welcome to the real world. You’ll love it.”


End file.
